fill in the blank.

{image from here.}
1. new year's is (awesome/lame/other)  pretty lame, for the most part. i mean, i like what the holiday represents. but when it comes to actually celebrating, it can be lame. for me, it is the most overrated holiday. and maybe it is because i haven't had wildly successful new year's celebrations. there have been a couple, but only a couple. and that's just sad.  

2. last new year's eve i  did have a fantastic time with my girlfriends. we made food and hung out and then went dancing. it was chill and low key but still fun. i think that has to be the key...low expectations.  

3. my new year's resolution is  not yet decided. i think that i will come up with a list of eleven, for 2011. and i want to think of a word of the year. i wanted to do that this last year, but the year slipped away from me. not this year, though.  

4. the best way to spend new year's eve is  with people you love. whether it be friends or family. as long as you love the ones you are with, i think you can have a fantastic evening. and, per usual, low expectations.  

5. my prediction for an up-and-coming trend in 2011 is  ...i have no clue. for me, an up-and-coming trend is crafting. but that is only new to me. i literally have no clue.  

6. this new year's eve i will  be with family and i am pretty excited. it should be a good time. with good food. and probably lots of laughing. i'll let you know.  

7. a fresh start is  always, always welcome. and i'm looking forward to this one.  

i can't believe 2010 is done-diddily-done. crazy.
do you have plans for this evening?
or resolutions for the new year?

happy new year.
and be safe.


merry christmas.

because it's adorable.

and who doesn't love a party.
with glow sticks.

merry christmas.


because it is officially winter.

there are a few things that i have been thinking about lately. and there really isn't a better place to share them than here...on my neglected blog. and besides, i know you all want to read about my random thoughts. so, enjoy.

first: i love christmas music. i don't think i can get enough of it. from just after thanksgiving to new year's eve i continually listen to christmas music. i listen to it in the car. i listen to it when i get ready in the morning. i listen to it when i do dishes. i go to sleep listening to it. i make the kids i work with listen to it. i get angry if i can't find a radio station that is all christmas music all the time. but, yesterday i stopped. out of the blue. and i was okay with it. i played all my most played songs on itunes and loved it. it was like reconnecting with an old friend. i also introduced myself to some new tunes. it was good times. totally random, i know...but it's music and i love it. don't worry, though...i started listening to christmas music again today.

this is my favorite song this year.
(this isn't necessarily my favorite version, but i just watched a gwyneth paltrow special.)

this is usually my most favorite song.
it still is.
but something struck me different this year.

two: i love friends. i mean, i love friends, but i also love the tv show, friends. sometimes when i wash dishes or cook, i will play a random episode of friends, just listening to it in the background. and i always end up laughing. out loud. i might have a problem...i love friends more than the average person and i have a plethora of episodes recorded on my dvr. most days i prefer watching reruns of friends episodes than something new. and so therein lies the problem...because i love tv, all the new stuff i record adds up and then i end up erasing all kinds of shows that i would probably like, but i can't be bothered cause i have to watch my friends. oh well.

c: i don't know when it happened or how, but i am maybe, kinda, sorta, really, really addicted to crafting. and searching for the next craft project. and specifically, right now, i'm obsessed with crafting with felt. the stuff is magical. yep, i said it. magical you can do almost anything with it. i made some felt holly garland for my house and i fell in love. now it's a matter of deciding exactly what i want to make next. i am so overloaded with ideas and i'm struggling with narrowing it down. i really, really wish i had a sewing machine that worked better than the one i have. so i'm really considering these adorable dolls for my nieces. they are a no-sew project and i love it.

and then: i'm also a little tiny bit (that's supposed to be sarcastic) obsessed with wreaths now, too. there are three different wreaths that i want to make...and in reality, i will probably end up making all of them. and probably many more. and it's okay. and don't get me started on garland....oy vey.

{images from here or here. and here via here. and here.}

anyway. yeah. that's all.


fill in the blank.

1. giving is  way better than getting. and it's way more fun to give, too. this year, i made {most} of my gifts...and while they are somewhat age inappropriate where the nieces and nephews are concerned, it was still fun to make the gifts and i can't wait to give them.  

2. receiving is  pretty awesome, too. i'm not dumb. i love to get stuff, but when it comes to this time of year, giving really is way better.  

3. the best gift i ever received was  ...uhmmm...well, it's a toss up. when i was maybe three or four, i got a stove and dishes. i loved that. and when i was maybe six or seven, i got this clay set. it had tools to make cool stuff with the clay. i loved that the most. it was probably my most favorite toy. then when i was in probably eighth or ninth grade, i got skis and stuff. that was pretty cool.  

4. the best gift i ever gave was  not a christmas gift. at least i can't think of a really cool christmas gift that i gave. but the best gift i ever gave was a book for my besties thirtieth birthday...i got all her friends to take pictures of themselves with signs wishing her a happy birthday. she was totally surprised and it was completely unexpected.  

5. something intangible that i wish i could receive is  continual contentment. i have moments of contentment, but then something comes along and changes that up...nothing major or drastic, but it would be nice to just be able to roll with it. to remain happy and calm when dealing with unhappy or stressful circumstances. it's something that i'm striving to work towards.  

6. something intangible that i wish i could give is  continual contentment. can you imagine what awesome gift that would be for everyone? can you imagine what kind of work we would live in if everyone possessed this. someday, somewhere.  

7. the one gift i always wanted as a child, but never got was  ...uhmmm...i seriously can't think of anything. i'm sure there was stuff that i asked for that i didn't get...but i think i had realistic expectations of my parents and/or santa. maybe i'm wrong, but i honestly can't think of anything.  


fill in the blank.

{image from here.}
1. i wish  that i really truly could quit my job and just craft the days away. it is super weird that i have turned over this new crafting leaf, as i have never been all that crafty, but it is what it is. and i like it. i finished my christmas wreath...just in case you were wondering.  

2. yesterday i  worked. it was my monday. i also had a long conversation with my co-workers about seizing the moment and taking risks. sometimes i really want to take risks, specifically career wise, but i am a person who really likes routines and stability. someday, though...someday.  

3. today i will  work. both jobs. and i will be going to walmart after work. i love walmart, but not so much on a friday night. the problem is i ran out of some things that i need...i've been putting it off for about a week. i'm also going to work on getting my christmas crafty presents started.  

4. tomorrow i will  be working again. but only one job. and i am going to work all morning on my christmas presents. i'm hoping to get a good portion of them done tomorrow.  

5. maybe  i will have all my christmas stuff done by next weekend...so i can just relax until christmas. that would be pretty cool. then i can start working on my january wreath. because i really am going to start a wreath of the month club. on etsy. among other things. but that is a story for another day.  

6. someday  things will be so different than they are now. and i'm not saying that they will be worse or better, but different. and i like the idea of that. the idea of possibilities. the fact that i am in control of my destiny. it's good stuff.  

7. i love  the holidays. weirdly, i haven't enjoyed them the last couple of years quite like i am enjoying them this year. and so many things are different. but i like it. a lot. i think it might be that i am coming to terms with the fact that for me, right now, in my career situation, i won't be able to spend holidays with my family. it's taken me a few years to come to terms with this...and for now, i really am okay with it. thus the enjoying the holidays.  

any weekend plans?
how about holiday plans?
what's on your mind?
that's all.



because sometimes, in the middle of all that christmas music, we need a blasty-blast from the past.

my fave new products of the week.

i have made some purchases and acquisitions this past week and i'm in love with all of them, so i decided to share. i am in no way benefiting from endorsing these products...but i love them so much so it doesn't matter.

first up...aveeno intense relief overnight cream. i have pretty dry skin normally, but during the winter is it exacerbated. i have tried a few different brands of lotion, but i always, always come back to aveeno. especially the baby aveeno products. but this new overnight stuff is absolutely fantastic. for example...it's been about eleven hours since i applied this lotion (because i use it in the morning as well as at night) and i still feel like my hands are moisturized and i've washed them several times. enough said.

i have really tried getting into the holiday mood by decorating and such. and after i put up my tree, i decided that i needed a good christmas-y, pine-y smell. a few days ago i met up with my friend at the layton hills mall and we hit up the bath & body works (she is currently employed there). i told my friend what i was looking for and she came back with a candle and told me it was like christmas in a box...and you know what, she was right. bought the wallflower refills and now my apartment smells like winter. it's delightful.

and while i was at b&bw, i happened upon this lucious lip gloss. a few years back while on vacation in california, i purchased a coconut lip gloss at sephora and it was my most favorite. when i was at sephora (yes, utah is moving up in the world and we now have our very own sephora) a few weeks ago, i looked for that same lip gloss and i could not find it. when i caught a glimpse of this little gem at b&bw, i knew i had to try it. and while it is not quite the same as my original, this coconut liplicious tasty lip gloss is just that...quite tasty.

and finally, last night i went out with a friend. we had dinner and then were planning on going to a play at usu. (btw...we saw a midsummer night's dream and it was absolutely fantastic. i highly recommend it for any of my local readers.) well, after we finished eating, we had some time to kill and my friend pulled these little ditties out of her purse, colgate wisp. she had a whole package and she so kindly shared it with me. besides the fact that they are mini...anything mini is adorable...they are handy and they work wonderfully. now, truth be told, i did not use it last night after dinner because i dropped it under my seat in the car and we were in a rush once we parked, so i didn't have a chance. i did watch my friend use hers and it was lovely. i had to use the old standby...gum. but, alas, i was able to use it today and it is a little mini dream. they are going to be my new purse must-have.

what are your new faves or must-haves?
that's all.



i just came across this song on my ipod and i had to share it. it's an oldie but a goody. this is probably my most favorite sarah mchlachlan song. (but it is by gordon lightfoot...fyi.)


and i'm back.

it's been a few, but i have good reasons. i'm not going to tell them to you, but if you ask, i might. just wanted to pretend that i'm a real blogger and post something today. thought i'd start the week out right.

today, i saw this on another blog and i have decided that i want it badly. too bad that a.) i live in a mini apartment so there is absolutely no room and b.) i have no idea how to even go about purchasing it. but it's super cool.

today i also i contemplated quiting my job and becoming a full-time crafter. i don't know what that means or how conducive to bill paying that would be, but wouldn't it be fun. i kinda have been obsessed with the martha stewart website lately. and i've decided that i want to make everything. i am crafting all (or most) of my christmas gifts this year and i'm pretty stoked about it. i would tell you what i am making, but that would ruin all the fun. i promise when all is said and done, there will be words about the projects i've planned.

one thing i am making that i can tell you about is this. i maybe, kinda, probably like wreaths more than a normal person. i made a "fall" wreath in november and this is my christmas/winter wreath. i may just have to make a new one every month. it my be my new "thing." we'll see.

and how about them patriots. maybe, just maybe, this is their year? i like the sound of that.


fill in the blank.

{image from here.}
1. black friday is  a day that i avoid going shopping. you won't catch me dead chasing down deals at four in the morning. it's just not my style.  

2. christmas shopping this year will include  all things low-key. there aren't many people on my list, so it will be pretty easy. we'll see, though.  

3. holiday shopping makes me  sometimes a little stressed out. sometimes i feel judged when i buy things for certain people. some people are very difficult to buy gifts for. some people maybe don't deserve gifts.  

4. this year my christmas list will include  family and a couple of friends. and myself. although, i already "bought" my own gift. thanks to a cousin, i'm getting the gift of a lifetime.  

5. bargain shopper or full price shopper?  i'm a bargain shopper, for sure, but i have been known to pay full price, too. mostly it depends on what it actually is. if i had to choose between paying full price and getting it very easily or getting a bargain, but it's gonna be a pain in the bum, i would much rather pay full price.  

6. the best things about shopping are  getting new things.  and the worst things about shopping are  actually have to shop. the looking and searching and dealing with people annoy me. i'm more of a know-what-i-want-get-in-get-out kind of shopper.  

7. online shopping or in-person shopping?  on-line shopping for dang sure. hands down, no questions asked. although, there are somethings that you just can't shop for on-line. sometimes you have to actually go to the store. but i'm okay with that.  

happy thanksgiving.

"we need to be more grateful. it's one of the marks of strong character, to have a feeling of thanksgiving and gratitude for blessings that are ours. we need more of that spirit in our homes, in our daily associations, in church, everywhere. it's so easy to cultivate the spirit of appreciation."

~president ezra taft benson.

celebrating thanksgiving.

{1} how do you celebrate thanksgiving? i spend the day with family, unless i'm working. this year i am going to my parent's house in las vegas with my sister and her family. we have been known to hit up a movie in the evening (or maybe we only do that on christmas...but i know i have been to a movie on thanksgiving, so maybe we do it on both). we watch football and hang out. the usual stuff, really.

{2} what is your favorite part of thanksgiving? being with my family, of course. and celebrating gratitude. thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. i think it has to do with family. just love it.

{3} turkey or ham? oh, definitely turkey. i am not sure i have ever had anything different.

{4} sweet potatoes or mashed potatoes? both. please. they are both so different, it's almost a must to have both.

{5} pumpkin pie or apple pie? depends on who made the pies. generally apple, but my aunt makes an awesome pumpkin pie. let's be honest, though...i generally end up having a sliver of both. it's almost not american to limit yourself to just one.

{6} what are your thoughts about black friday? blah. more power to the people who love to fight a crowd. definitely not my cup of tea. i've actually never attempted to go shopping on black friday, but maybe i would if there was something that i desired and/or needed that badly. but it would take a lot of motivation. i hate crowds.

{7} your favorite thanksgiving memory. just spending time with my family. i don't have a favorite memory. any holiday with my family is a favorite, though.

{8} what are you thankful for this year? everything. it's as simple as that. i'm thankful for absolutely everything.


wee bit wednesdays.

{one} what kind of camera do you have? i've got myself a fantastic little point-and-shoot...a canon powershot. i have dreams of owning a canon digital slr. one day it will come to fruition. someday.

{two} you just won $1000 and you have to spend it on yourself on one item. what do you buy? oh. probably that canon digital slr. convenient how that worked out for me, huh? man, i wish i had a grand to blow on something like that. i have such simple dreams.

{three} if you had to choose, would you rather live with your parents in the same house forever or 5000 miles away? i have some qualifying questions to ask...like, can i live with my parents in our old house, or does it have to be the new house? and do i live there with my spouse and children? or is it just me...single. things as they are now, i could maybe probably live with them...but if i were married with my own family, i would have to live 5000 miles away, unless we lived in the old house together...i'm glad i don't have to figure this out today. hahaha.

{four} is your christmas tree up yet? nope. i haven't even found the one i want yet. here's to hoping i can track it down. i'm pretty excited about it, though. next week. for sure.

{five} do you bring reusable bags to the grocery store? if i remember, i have a couple that i take. i sometimes think it would be convenient to have more. most of the time, i forget. but i do totally reuse the bags that they do give me when i forget.

{six} which would be worse: listening to the same song on replay for the rest of your life or having to eat the same meal everyday for the rest of your life? hands down, no questions asked, having to eat the same thing for the rest of my life would be the worst thing ever. i sometimes can listen to the same song over and over and over and i make myself stop because i don't want other people to think i'm weird. but chances are, if i didn't make myself stop, i could probably listen to the same song over and over and over again for months. truth.

{seven} name 3 things you are thankful for this season. i'm thankful for my family, as always, of course. i'm thankful for my job, a job i absolutely love, regardless of the b.s. and for the music that makes me happy...and for friends who love to enjoy music with me.

{eight} do you dye/highlight your hair? if so, do you do it yourself or have it done at the salon? i would probably be shot on sight if i tried to do my own hair. bestie would not be happy...not happy at all. besides, i don't have the patience to try and do my own hair. and i wouldn't know where to begin anyway.

{nine} would you rather watch a movie at home or at the theater? in all actuality, it depends on my mood, the movie and the company. i really like going to the theater, but sometimes it is nice to be able to relax and lay down on your couch to watch a flick. i could go either way on this.

{ten} would you rather win $1000 per week for life or $5 million all at once? i might say $1000 per week. but i think you get more money if you take the one time payment. it depends on taxes, though. and how long you live. and how good you are at budgeting and how much self control you have. chances are, if i took the one time payment, i would blow it on really useless stuff. but if i had the weekly payment, i would save and plan and budget and not be a tool with all that money. yeah, i might have to say that i'd take a weekly payment of $1000. how awesome would it be if i really was trying to make this decision in real life. real life is sometimes so boring.


and then it snowed.

it's sunday and i'm at work and i'm bored. welcome to my life. usually i work with someone else, so then i am entertained...but not today. don't get me wrong, i still really, really love my job, but i can only tell these kids to not do stuff so many times before they stop listening...and we've maxed out for today. and sometimes it isn't even the kids that are dumb...sometimes they have dumb parents and guardians, but i can't tell them that...i don't undermine anyone, or at least i try not to. anyway, so now we are just staring at each other. not really. i'm typing this and they are watching tv and coloring princess pages cause i'm making them. luckily they have stopped watching spongebob, though. have i ever mentioned that i hate spongebob. well, i do. and sometimes i think that hate isn't strong enough. that's beside the point. i decided to take this time to write about some things that i've been thinking about. bear with me.
  • it snowed yesterday and today. i woke up a little later than normal today because the skies were so gray and my room didn't light up like it normally does. my bedroom window is south facing so i get a good share of sunlight during the day, which means all day. i kinda like it. but today was so gray...no sunlight. i do realize that it is nearly december, but i really wasn't ready for snow. it didn't snow much, but it stuck to the ground. welcome winter, i guess. if i have to.
  • there are so many things that i wanted to blog about this year but i was just so unmotivated for the majority of the year so i didn't get to it. specifically, i didn't blog at all about my trip to oregon to visit my cutest sister and her family. i'm kinda sad about that. i really want to blog about that visit, but i'm not sure if i should since it was over six months ago.
  • i used to take way more pictures than i do now. way, way more. i don't know why. my old camera broke and i got a new one and i fell a little out of love with taking pictures. i am still pretty mad at my old camera. we had a good run there for awhile and then it went and died. i could try and get it fixed, but i figured it wasn't worth it so i bought a new one instead. besides, i figured having the same camera repaired three times probably wasn't economical. but now i don't love my new camera as much as i loved my old one. i should work on that. i'll think about it.
  • one of my co-workers/friends is moving to cali. i hate her. i tell her all the time. i told her that she has to start a blog when she leaves. i will harass her until it happens. it's a blog that i'm pretty sure all of you would read and love. she's pretty funny. her blog would be hysterical. i will hunt her down if she doesn't start this blog when she leaves. (i know you are reading this, jw, and i'm serious...bad things will happen if you don't start a blog.) pea.ess. i don't really hate her, i only hate her for moving.
  • speaking of blogs, i have another friend that really, really needs to start a blog. we had a pretty lengthy convo about this the last time we hung out. i really need to get her started on that. it will be as funny as the above mentioned blog. and let's be honest...can't we all use some more humor in our daily lives? ladies, help us all out.
  • did i mention that it snowed? yeah. snow. winter. ugh.
  • except...i'm excited to decorate for christmas. i saw a small-ish pre-lit tree at the hobby lobby in slc awhile ago and i think i need to go and make sure it's there still. i really, really am looking forward to having a tree this year. i haven't had one for two years. that's really sad, if you think about it. luckily this year will be different. yay for changes.
  • i've decided that i'm really not crafty. i like things that are simple. i decided that i was going to make a fall wreath and i started it, but it is a tedious task. crafting is tedious. i would almost rather pay someone to do it for me. but i'm forcing myself to finish this project because my mother was so kind and helped me out and i started it so i might as well finish. augh. and i have all the parts to another craft project that was for a friend's birthday a couple of years ago...but because i don't craft, i haven't finished it. she probably doesn't even remember. maybe i can make it for christmas. hmmm...something to think about.
anyway, thanks for bearthing with me and my random thoughts. hope you have had an excellent weekend/sunday. mine has been amazing (please not the sarcasm).

that's all.


fill in the blank.

{click on the picture to participate.}
1. my thanksgiving plans this year will include  a lovely little drive to sin city with my sister and her family. it will make for a good time. i was going to go by myself, but sister decided that she wanted to visit the desert, too. she kept asking me if it was okay if she "rained on my parade" and joined me and my parents in las vegas. i had to remind her that we come from a big family and the fact that only the two of us, plus her husband and kids is a very small group of people where our family is concerned. five extra people can't rain on my parade...they can only add to it. besides, i get to go see the kingston trio with my dad and mom. they are my dad's fave. i grew up on their music. it's been document on this here blog that my love of music might be attributed to them. just sayin'. i'm gonna be the youngest person there that knows all their songs. it's gonna be a blasty-blast.  

2. my favorite thanksgiving was  probably one of the many with my mom's family at my grandparent's house. we would always end up spending the weekend together playing with cousins and having sleepovers. and i always loved when my grandpa would pray. he was a man of very, very, very few words, but his thanksgiving prayers were amazing and beautiful and clearly they left an impression. i will always, always remember those and i still miss them nine years later.  

3. my signature thanksgiving dish is  still to be determined. i have never actually made any part of any actual thanksgiving meal. i guess that's the great thing about coming from a big family...and maybe being single...there are always enough aunts to cover the meal...and they rarely ask the single girl to bring anything to a meal. i kinda like it that way. i'm not even sure what i would want my signature dish to be...can't decide between a part of the meal or a dessert. hmmm.  

4. my favorite thanksgiving food is  stuffing. and for the most part, i like all stuffing, but my mom's stuffing is delicious. like, seriously amazing.  

5. thanksgiving free association:  turkey. pilgrims. indians. dinner. food. football. cranberries. parades. macy's. shopping.  

6. thanksgiving is  my second favorite holiday, falling in close behind the fourth of july.  

7. i am thankful for  everything. my family, my friends, my jobs, my ability to provide for myself, my education, my religion, my beliefs, my morals, my standards, my values, my trials, my ability to endure my trials, my country, my freedom. seriously, i am thankful for everything, and i could name everything but maybe it wouldn't sound sincere. but i am sincerely thankful for everything.  


i feel great.

it's not true. i don't feel great. i actually feel like poo-poo. but i'm assuming, like all the other times i feel not so good, it will go away. if it doesn't, i suppose i would have to do something about it. but man, if only i could eat a nutrigrain bar and feel great, i would eat a whole box.

and let's not forget about babies everywhere.

oooooohhhhhhh yyyyeeeaaaaahhhhh.

that's all.



in one word or phrase: inspiring.

i'm dreaming of you: snowy, wintery bliss. if it has to be cold, there might as well be snow. just sayin'.

song on repeat: gravity by sara bareilles. (i get to go and see her on wednesday. i can't wait. and cary brothers. it might be the best show ever. but aren't they all?)

gotta write it down: "as we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. you will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. you'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. you'll fight with your best friend. you'll blame a new love for things an old one did. you'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. so take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back." ~unknown

lesson learned: even though i thought something wasn't going to be interesting, i participated anyway and i turned out to be wonderfully fantastic and totally worth my time.

picture to frame:

highlight of the week: being able to see the incredibly talented dancers of the martha graham dance company with an excellent friend. even if there was an arm rest issue.

weekend to-do list: well, since i spent the weekend at work...per usual...i don't really have a to-do list. although there are plenty of things i need to work on getting done during this week. aahhh...i love my schedule.


my favorite thing about today was...#2.

guess what i found out today...i will tell you...the sing-off (my most favorite show from last december) is coming back for a second season this december. i mean, psyched.

it's been well documented that i am a lover of music. what may not be quite as well documented is my love for a cappella music. and you wanna know how much i love it...i will tell you that, too...i just spent almost seventy-five minutes watching youtube videos of great a cappella music. you might think i have no life, but that is not the case...i have an awesome job and when there are no deliquents, there is time to burn watching youtube videos. boo-yah. good times.

anyway, because i feel the need to share in your lack of productivity, here are some of the best performances i found...you are welcome.

so here is the first performance of the first season...how could i not keep watching the sing-off after this? besides, who doesn't love a queen song?

this is on the rocks from the university of oregon. i saw this a couple of months ago on facebook and got a pretty good laugh out of it. today, when i saw the commercial for the second season of the sing-off, this was the song that they were performing. super excited to see what else they can do.

this group is the beelzebubs from tufts university. they were the runner-up on last season's show. i was hoping they would win, but they didn't. they were my favorite group, though. i couldn't pick just one song, so i made this little playlist...there are five performances. enjoy.

i am a huge u2 fan. this song is in my top five favorite u2 songs. this is the greatest a cappella version of this song. and at the 48 second mark, you will get chills, by the way.

so clearly, my favorite thing about today was learning about the sing-off season two. bring it on. i even had enough time to check out the groups that are going to be on this next season...incredible. highly recommend watching.

that's all.


fill in the blank.

{image found here.}
1. the most spontaneous thing i've ever done was  move across the country to boston. i got a random phone call from my friend that was already living there on a thursday afternoon and three weeks later my personal belongings were on a ups truck and i was on a plane. i wanted to cry and the whole flight consisted of me freaking out and asking myself what i was doing, but i did it and i'm glad that i did.  

2. the best gift i've ever received was  and is the gift of life. duh. i mean, it's a pretty great gift. cheesy answer, i am aware, but i kinda like my life and every day is a gift. so there.  

3. a time that i was truly and genuinely surprised was  probably when my older sister told me she was pregnant with my nephew. they had struggled with fertility and had taken the adoption path and, i think, had thought they would probably not have biological children. but alas, she had my nephew and then my niece...definitely surprised.  

4. i can't leave the house without  my keys. although, i did walk out my door with out my keys last week and i locked myself out. it was super awesome. luckily, the manager was around and unlocked the door for me. i was only locked out for about ten minutes. but you can believe that i won't ever do that again. well, until i do.  

5. my favorite day of the week is  probably tuesday. it's my "saturday." my work week starts on thursday and ends on monday, so my weekend is tuesday and wednesday. it's super sucky, but it is what it is.  because     

6. something that can always make me laugh is  is my friend, teresa's, humor. she, without fail, can always make me laugh. like really, really laugh. and i got to hang out with her last week. and i'm hanging out with her again tonight. and i'm super excited about it. i can't wait.  

7. my perfect day would include  spending time with my family. good food. fun times. hanging out with my family. maybe some soda. did i mention spending time with the fam. yeah, fam.  

how about you fill in the blanks now?
happy friday.
that's all.


random cma thoughts.

that's right folks...more stuff about music. not so much about music, but about the country music awards (hereto forth referred to as the cmas). because i watched them. mostly. i dvr-ed all three hours, so i was able to fast forward through the "boring" parts. the reason i can watch the cmas is because there are twice as many performances as awards, so it is bearable. and it's country music...they don't take themselves that seriously.

anyway, here is my random list of thoughts (and if you aren't a country music fan, you may not enjoy this and/or even like this...so i won't be offended if you don't read it all):
  • while i was waiting for some time to pass so i could use the fast forward button on my dvr remote (my favorite button on my remote), i was browsing the other programs on air and i ran across this show i didn't know i was pregnant and i don't buy it. at all. evidence that some people need to be kicked out of the gene pool.
  • did you know that charles kelley of lady antebellum is josh kelley's brother (who is probably most famous for being married to katherine heigl)? i didn't until tonight. i don't know why i find that interesting, but i do. at first i couldn't figure out why katherine heigl was at the cmas, but then it made sense.
this is lady antebellum.
charles is on the left.
  • kelly pickler looks ridiculous. she was so cute on american idol, but something has happened and it seems like she is trying to channel a grandma or something. it's like she had way too much plastic surgery and then she had a bad hair day. don't get me wrong...i really like her, but she was having a rough night. (i tried to find a picture, but couldn't.)
  • i have loved country music since i was in 8th grade. my friend invited me to go to a concert with her and her parents at the state fair. in the car on the way there and back, we listened to country music...and i fell in love. one summer night. anyway, ever since then, i have been a fan. the majority of my music collection is country music. every year, i look forward to watching the cmas. i have since high school. my best friend would record them and we would watch them over and over again. (we also recorded videos off of cma..the channel...but that is another story for another day.) anyway, regardless of what kind of music i am mostly interested in when the cmas roll around, i always end up falling in love with country music again and will embrace country music for a good month or so after.
  • kenny chesney is on my list of favorites. and he has this song called the boys of fall. and it's about football. i mean, swoon. it is a fantastic song... especially if you are a football fan. kenny's performance on the cmas was watched at least twice by me, maybe more...just sayin'.

  • i'm over taylor swift. i think all her songs are starting to sound the same. she is a cute girl, but it's getting old.
  • sugarland's singer, jennifer nettles, has the most annoying voice. at least to me. it is like fingernails on a chalkboard. and i've thought that since before sugarland was a duo. when they were a trio. i wonder what happened to that third member anyway. it's like she just disappeared. weird.
  • is kid rock really the detroit cowboy? cause that's what the announcer said. i mean, i like kid rock...maybe, kinda...but weren't there enough "real" country musicians available to perform at the cmas? my guess is that there were. i guess we just roll with what we get. (and did you know that kid rock boycott itunes...his music is not available there. interesting.)
  • at about this point in the show, i had to acknowledge that there were at least three live performances to every award given out. it's why i love these awards. and because of dvr, i was able to fast forward through the majority of the obnoxious speeches...because, let's be honest, it doesn't matter how big a fan you are, those speeches are obnoxious.
  • nashville not only puts out great country music, but great singer/songwriter music. remember my obsession with ten out of tenn? how could you forget...i won't let you. speaking of...i saw andrew belle in provo a couple of weeks ago. stellar show. yay, nashville.
  • blake shelton started in the country music industry with a mullet and i couldn't give him a chance...that is, until he cut the mullet off. i'm a fan. and i love that he is kind of reckless and misbehaved. kinda the bad boy of country music. i mean, why not...he did have a mullet after all?
evidence of the mullet.
  • loretta lynn rocked it with miranda lambert (i kinda like her and she is engaged to blake shelton, which i find interesting) and sheryl crow. when i heard that sheryl crow was going to be on the show, i was hoping she was going to perform with kid rock circa 2002. no such luck. she rocked it with loretta, though. i love old school country. especially the ladies of old school country.

  • so gwyneth paltrow is playing a country musician in a movie due out in january. and apparently, she acutally sings in the movie. which is a logical reason to let her perform on the cmas. believe me, i will be seeing this movie, country strong. but i'm having issue with gwyneth busting into the country scene. to me, she totally doesn't fit the mold. i just find it quirky and interesting...but i will give it to her...she can sing.

wee bit wednesdays.

{one} do you collect anything? if so, what and how long have you been collecting?
i would say the one thing that i consistently have collected over the years is music. tons and tons of music. i've been collecting it since high schoool. and i know that i probably could stop, but i love it so much. sometimes i'm so embarrassed about how much music i actually own. and it makes me giggle to see how much time it will take to listen to my full library of music in itunes. it's comical, for sure. i also collect books, but not as much as i used to. i love books, too. mostly, lately, i have been borrowing them...so, i have a collection of borrowed books...if that counts.

{two} what is one cleaning tip that you swear by?
i will share my secret-swear-by cleaning tip, but first, i must caution you...it may be hazardous for your health. only use in well ventilated areas. don't breath the fumes directly. maybe consider a mask. and maybe only use on really stubborn "stains." and probably don't use on metal.

okay, now that you have been warned, i promise this is a miraculous cleaning concoction...miraculous, i tell you. you take the works toilet bowl cleaner and squirt that on the area you need to clean. then take windex brand window cleaner and spray it on top of the toilet bowl cleaner. there will be some steaming, thus the not breathing it in. you can wipe it up pretty quickly with a wet rag or sponge and rinse. probably don't let it sit too long...who knows what it will do if it sits too long.

now, ideally, you wouldn't be doing this on a regular basis. the last time i used this mix was when i moved into my apartment and the bottom of the shower had a gross water stain from standing water...i tried everything from bon ami to magic eraser to baking soda and nothing worked...except for this mix. so, like i said...tough stains only.

{three} who would you call for bail money?
typically, i don't put myself in situations where i would need to consider whom i would call for bail money. i am guessing that if this situation ever arose, i would be with the people that would know they needed to bail me out, so i wouldn't have to call anyone. and it would probably be for punching someone, although, i haven't done that for a very long time and i don't plan on ever doing it again. i mean the punching anyone. i have never had need for someone to bail me out. never. promise. just ask my work. promise.

{four} what is one thing you miss about being a kid?
geez. only one thing. there are so many to choose from, but the one thing that has recently come up is the fact that we were out the door in the morning, riding out bikes and playing and only came home when called. and the fact that i had two instant friends in my sisters and that we really only played with each other. and we fought with each other. but i loved that we played. no video games (we got a nintendo when i was in high school and my mom always hid the paddles, so we rarely played anyway). no computers. no cell phones. no tv (we didn't get cable until i was in college). real life playing outside. a lot of kids don't get that.

{five} name a few of your guilty pleasures.
diet mt. dew. corn tortillas with cheese. reality tv. obsessively keeping track of my favorite musicians via facebook and twitter. reality tv. buying new music. oh, and reality tv.

{six} how early do you start your holiday shopping?
well, it depends. mostly i just think about it. this year i already have one gift purchased and a few more planned out. just have to decide what, if anything, to do for the kiddies.

{seven} what is a family tradition that you would like to pass on to your significant other/children?
i'm not sure if this would be considered a tradition so much as it is just something our family always did/does...we are really good at sitting around and having conversations. we don't need to be entertained by a movie or tv. we can just be entertained by each other's company. and not just my immediate family. this is something that i learned from my extended family.

i remember going to my grandparent's house (and family reunions/functions) when we were growing up and the adults sitting around the living room just chatting...or outside, weather permitting. there were whole group discussions and small group discussions. the kids were usually always off playing and occasionally we would "put on" shows for the adults. but if we wanted to we were totally welcome to sit with the adults and be present for the conversations. i remember even contributing to those conversations and a kid...maybe late elementary school or middle school. and even to this very day, the adults of my family will all gather and talk and chat and converse and the kids play, but the kids are still welcome to hang out with the adults.

i didn't realize how "rare" this is/was until i started working with the kids i work with. most of the kids i work with haven't had a real conversation with an adult in their whole lives. my co-workers and i love it when those kids come to us...we love changing their perceptions of adults and people in authoritative positions.

the ability to carry on a conversation is definitely something that is learned and i am ever so grateful to my parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles for teaching me. for teaching all of us, really, because i'm sure all my siblings and cousins have similar memories...and we've carried on the tradition...we can all sit around and converse with the best of them.

{eight} what do you consider your greatest achievement?
this is interesting, because i'm not sure if i have achieved my greatest achievement. graduating from school is up there. moving to boston on my own is on the list of great achievements. finding my dream job is a great achievement. being unselfish enough to place a baby for adoption ranks pretty high the great achievement list, too. but i'm not sure that i have had a single greatest achievement. and i'm not sure that there is just one. i think life is all about achieving. everyday is an achievement for some. getting through some days is an achievement for others. i believe that my greatest achievement will be living life to the fullest and setting goals and achieving them and being a good person and friend and sister and wife and mother and daughter. because if we achieve greatness for just one thing, then what is the purpose of living every day to the fullest? for, there are many things that we do on a daily basis that can be considered great achievements and just participating in life to the fullest is going to be my greatest achievement. or something like that.

{nine} what do you do to pamper yourself?
pedicures. can't do without the pedis. and on occasion, i splurge and get myself the greatest facial this side of the mississippi. if you are in the market, you should check it out here. just ask for mary.

{ten} if you were to start your own restaurant, what would it be called?
my bestie and i talked about opening a little cafe. it was going to be just the stuff that we cooked and loved. but i'm not sure if we ever thought of a name for it. maybe something along the lines of kitchen. either something kitchen or kitchen something. since everything was going to be from our kitchens.

anyway. that's all.


i'm afraid to say it.

{image from here.}
...but winter might be well on its way. when i woke up this morning it was raining. you don't know how much i wished it would just keep raining until march. no such luck...when i walked out my door a couple of hours later the snow had already started to fall. winter is upon us.

and i like winter. i like a lot of things about winter. but i'm not super stoked for winter this year. wanna know why? i'll tell you...no garage. the one downfall of moving out of the house.

it's all good, though. i will try my hardest to embrace it. and i will try not to complain too much about having no garage.

happy monday.


fill in the blank.

{image from here.}

1. my last haircut was  a week and a half ago. my bestie does my hair and she is fantastic. she is fantastic to the point that if you want to get in to her, you have to book about two months in advance. i was stupid and didn't schedule an appointment in advance. because she is my bestie, she made some changes and was able to fit me in for a cut. but just a cut. i usually get a cut and color. i was pretty sad...until the day of. someone had the audacity to not show up for their appointment, so she fit me in early and was able to cut and color my hair. she is the best bestie.  

2. my most daring hair moment was  cutting it nearly off just days before i moved across the country to boston. i had had long hair since middle school and had been continually growing it out since middle school. i was concerned that my naturally curly locks wouldn't take kindly to the humidity of boston so i decided to chop it off. not sure it was a wise move, but it worked out.  

3. a hairstyle i'd never be brave enough to try  is short hair. my sisters rock it beautifully, but i'm not sure that short hair is for me. or if i could actually figure out how to rock it. it would be more work than i am willing to put in. and that's not saying that my current hair-do isn't a pain in the butt. i just think short hair would be a train wreck on me.  

4. i've always dreamed of being a  red head. i know, it's not every day that someone admits that, but i usually love red hair and would love to be a red head. but a pretty red, more like auburn.  

5. my go to hair-do is  pulled up. usually in a loose bun. but lately, i mostly just wear it down. i've found the perfect products to make my curls curl fantastically and so i'm sporting the curly locks.  

6. my biggest hair disaster was  probably when i used sun-in in high school. wasn't that almost everyone's hair disaster? i'm pretty sure it was. that stuff was so gross. it smelled so bad, like rotting fish, but i insistently put it in my hair on a fairly regular basis in high school. not super smart.  

7. a hairstyle i am dying to try is  ...well, i'm not really sure. i don't think there is anything i'm dying to try. i wish i knew how to do cute braids and how to use barrettes and bobby pins and the likes. maybe that's what i'm dying to try...just doing different stuff with what i have.  

8. my best hair day was  this one day after i got my hair cut and colored, my bestie decided to put some loose curls in my hair with a flat iron. the combination of the product that she used, my normal curls and the loose curls she put in my hair, it was the greatest hair-do. to this day we haven't been able to recreate that one...so sad.  

9. the worst hairstyle i've ever had was  the short hair i had in second grade. at least it seemed bad in my school pictures. i had a very tender head when i was a kid and my mom hated brushing my hair, so shortly before kindergarten, she had all my blonde, blonde curls cut off. i had short boy hair all through elementary. i hated it. literally hated it. that's why i grew it out in middle school.  

10. my hair is  naturally curly. i really haven't loved having curly hair until the last few months. i have embraced it and i really love, love, love my curls now.  


five question friday.

1. if you could have any talent and turn it into an occupation, what would it be?
without a doubt-no questions asked-i didn't even have to think about this twice, i would play an instrument and be a touring musician. but not a big-time musician...just a low-key, clubs and bars musician. like the musicians i go and see. oh, it would be so lovely. such a dream. a friend and i actually had this conversation on monday. man. if only.

2. would you rather have a house at the beach or a cabin in the woods?
what if i want both? no? okay. i would choose a mountain house near a lake. does that count? i'm sure it does. i love, love, love the mountains, but it would be nice to be near water, too. and i love the ocean, but a lake would fit me better.

3. is there any meaning or reasoning for the names you chose for your child/children?
yep. all of them. special, special meaning. i can't share. too special. jk. hahaha.

4. what is your guilty pleasure?
tv. mostly reality tv. but i really have been enjoying reruns of friends lately.

5. do you live in a house that is deep cleaned or straightened?
well, mostly it is just straightened, but i definitely deep clean on a semi-regular basis. i grew up in a home where we cleaned/deep cleaned on a weekly basis and i'm so very grateful for that. i'm not as consistent as my mother was, but i try.


fill in the blank.

{image from here.}
1. my halloween plans this year will include  baking. well, at least i am hoping to bake. we'll see if i get to it. oh, and i get to work. saturday and sunday. so i won't be doing anything fun.  

2. my most memorable halloween costume was  probably when my older sister helped me and my little sisters dress up as 80s rockers...in the 80s. halloween wasn't really a big holiday around our house. my aunts and grandma would have parties and such, but it wasn't a fully celebrated holiday at our house.  

3. for halloween this year i am going to be a youth corrections counselor. gotta love my job.   

4. i've always wanted to dress up as  ...uhmmm...i'm not really sure that i've ever fully pondered this subject. i don't really think i have a burning desire to dress up as anything specifically. oh well.  

5. halloween free association:  candy. sugar. witches. vampires. dragons. trick or treat. haunted. scary.  

6. the worst thing about halloween is  ...well...i'm not sure. maybe the having to dress up thing. never have loved it.  

7. the best thing about halloween is  little kids in costumes. i mean, seriously, aren't they all adorable.  

five question friday.

1. if you could be a fly on any wall, which would you choose?
well, first, i hate flies. like, really, really hate flies. they totally gross me out. and they are so annoying. so, i would rather not be a fly. second, i don't think that i could choose just one wall. i can't think of something i would want to know over something else. i mean, my knowledge for unknowable information really does change from day to day. some days it would probably be work related...other days it might be friend related. who knows. but, for the sake of the question, if i had to choose one wall today, i would choose a wall at work. it would be nice to know what people are thinking and why.

2. do you budget your christmas shopping or just get it done without budgeting?
since i don't have a plethora of people to buy christmas gifts for, i haven't really budgeted in the past. i am working on living on a budget this year, though, so i might-maybe-probably-hopefully will have christmas budgeted this year.

3. what is the craziest fad diet you have ever done?
i don't really do fad diets, but we had a long conversation at dinner wednesday night about the hcg diet. that is one crazy diet fad. and guess what...i think anyone that is eating only 500 calories can lose all kinds of weight...hormone shots or not. i mean, i know people that have done it. i know it has worked for them. but the question remains, do they really need the shots or is the diet the main factor? one thing i do know...i'm not jumping on the bandwagon anytime soon.

4. is there a tv show that you have seen every episode/season of?
do i have to name only one? how about i just name the three shows i'm not embarrassed to say that i've watched every episode? they would be the office, friday night lights and friends. and the one show that i'm angry to admit that i watched every episode...lost. oh, so angry.

5. what one song always pulls at your heart?
there are so many songs that pull at my heartstrings. but the one song that always invokes a real emotional reaction is carolina in my mind. and when i got to see james taylor sing it live in may, i did shed a few tears. it is my most favorite song ever.


for today.

for today: october 28, 2010.

outside my window: it is starting to get dark. i'm not sure that i love that it's getting dark so early. having the sun up until well after 9:00 pm is one of my most favorite things about summer...the sun going down at 5:00 pm in the winter is one of my least favorite things about winter.

i am thinking: that this cold is moving down into my chest and i'm not okay with it. not at all okay with it. because i only have head cold medicine...not chest cold medicine. i guess i will have to go to the dumb store after work today. yay.

i am thankful for: my mommy. i decided that i was going to be crafty and make a fall wreath...and because my mom is so amazingly talented and crafty, i was able to call her and tell her what i wanted/needed and she is completely willing to help me out. i will definitely write about my fall wreath when i get started on it and when i finish it.

from the kitchen: there is no news. i have a list of things i want to make, but i just haven't gotten around to it. stupid cold. but, luckily i inherited some fresh fruit including a pineapple and two pomegranates and fresh veggies.

i am wearing: a smile. why wouldn't i be smiling? it is my monday back at work and i have a stick-around-cold and i am exhausted. smiling comes natural, right? well, at least i try.

i am creating: a fall wreath. i'm pretty excited about it.

i am going: to see tyrone wells and andrew belle on monday. i'm pretty stoked about it. the last time i saw tyrone wells, i wasn't quite prepared for the goodness and greatness that is his music. i am definitely much more prepared this time. i haven't seen andrew belle on his own before...just with ten out of tenn. he was in logan this summer, but i missed the show cause i had to work. dumb work...but this time i planned better and won't be missing him this time. i'm super excited.

i am reading: the jane austen book club and the tale of despereaux. i really need to get started on mockingjay, but i'm scared that i won't like it. and i don't want the series to be over. plus, i have a plethora of borrowed books that i need to dive into. here's to reading.

i am hoping: that the pounding and loud noises from upstairs stop soon. it's really annoying and i kinda want to go have a word with them, but i will refrain...and just hope for them to figure out it's way too late to be rearranging furniture.

i am hearing: sara bareilles' new album, kaleidoscope heart. oh, and the noise from upstairs. but sara is doing a very good job of distracting me. btw...i am going to see her on november 17th. i'm pretty super excited for that show, too. cary brothers will be with her. love him. and her.

around the house: there is clutter. i need to organize more and maybe even better. it is a skill i kind of lack. i mean, not really, cause most of my stuff is organized. but i have a habit of creating piles of stuff to deal with/look at later. i need to be better about those.

one of my favorite things: about today was learning that you definitely, for sure, can not in anyway shape or form judge a book by its cover. especially the kids i work with. man oh man.

a few plans for the rest of the week: include work and work. maybe some baking of halloween treats...at least i'm thinking about it. probably some organizing and cleaning. and then the concert. i guess, just some stuff.

here is a picture thought i am sharing:


this just made my week.

people, nothing could have made me this happy...but man, i'm ecstatic. i'm a sucker for a country movie, good or bad. and while i was perusing the itunes trailer website, i found this trailer. this may have just made my whole week.

it could have been worse.

well, it's monday. and while i don't normally have anything against mondays, this monday sucks. this is day three of the worst cold ever. i can't believe i got this sick and that i'm still alive. i wish i could just sleep until the misery was gone, but no such luck.

now, despite the worst cold ever i had a pretty decent weekend so i thought i'd share some highlights.
  • i got to spend saturday with my family. my other mother got married in idaho falls and my parents drove up from vegas along with my sister and her kids. i hadn't been to idaho falls for a long time, so it was fun to be there.
  • it was fantastic to see jane so happy and in love. i love that she now has someone to take care of her and to be there for her. i am so very happy for her.
  • i was glad to spend some quality time with my parents. they picked me up along the freeway, so i drove with them to and from the wedding. man, i love my parents. they are funny and entertaining and really amazing.
  • i got to hang out with my nephews and niece. they are pretty awesome. sometimes i just can't get enough of them. the best part of spending time with them was watching them play with derek, jane's youngest son. while we were waiting for everyone, malcolm couldn't get enough of derek. and malcolm is the shyest kid i know. but for some reason (no offense, derek) he absolutely adores derek. so much so, that before the wedding when we were at the house, malcolm was calling for derek who wasn't even there.
  • i quite enjoy the fact that we have these friends, jane and her boys, and that they are more than friends. they are the family that we got to pick. i love having real and true life-long friends, literally.
  • i got to watch how to train your dragon on sunday. i wish i would have been able to call into work sick, but i knew that it would be more of a hassle for my co-workers and i don't like to be a pain, so i went to work sick. maybe they will wish that i would have stayed home, but i am pretty sure that i got my cold from someone at work so i didn't feel that bad. anyway, work was chill and we watched a really funny movie. i quite enjoyed it. i recommend it as well.
  • this day, four years ago, was a life changer. not just for me. it was also the day i learned i can do very hard things and that i can and will survive. sometimes it seems pretty surreal. but mostly, i love that it is part of my history. or, quite frankly, it is part of me, of who i am. but seriously, can anyone else believe it has been four years?
so, while it wasn't the worst weekend ever, it still was the worst cold ever. imagine how much worse it would have been if i wouldn't have had all that fun.

that's all.


fill in the blank.

fill in the blank friday.
{image from here.}
1. i am  getting sick. like annoyingly sick. i have a raging face ache because of my sinuses. i wonder if it is bad to take four different medications. i mean, i am taking sinus stuff, zicam, emergen-c (and/or airborne) and advil. probably not wise, but it's better than bashing my head in, right? right.  

2. i wish  that i would never get sick. and that all my cleaning would do itself. especially laundry. and that i was a morning person.  

3. i like  friday night lights. and i was super excited about a month ago when i learned that abc family was going to be showing episodes every day. but then i found out this week that they pulled it off the air. because the ratings weren't great. but don't worry...they are still showing sabrina the teenage witch and gilmore girls. why don't more people like fnl?  

4. i can  do hard things. it's something i learned about myself four years ago this month. i can do really, really hard things.  

5. i hope  that this blessed cold is short lived. like, it would be nice to wake up tomorrow morning with no cold. here's to hoping.  

6. i think  tomorrow is going to be an awesome day. it is a wedding day and i couldn't be more ecstatic. i truly, truly am so happy for the happy couple.  

7. i was  not planning on blogging today, but alas, this cold has made for some down time. in front of this computer. yay.  

happy weekend.


deep thoughts on a sunday night.

the past few days i have been really contemplating the fact that i didn't imagine that i would be living the life that i'm living. i'm not sure what i really mean by that, but let's see where this writing takes me. i wasn't planning on writing about this, but i really think that if i can put into words what my feelings are, it will make more sense to me. if that makes sense. and after discussing this with a few of my co-workers, i realize i'm not alone in the sentiment.

you are probably wondering where this whole thought process came from and there isn't just one thing that brought it up, there are a couple. recently i happened upon a whole new slew of blogs that i've been stalking. i'm not sure how i happened upon them...blog stalking gets messy sometimes...they are all very well written blogs and most of the authors are leading very different lives than those of the people i know and associate with. they even lead very different lives from the authors of the other, or shall we say the original blogs i stalk. i'm not sure why, but i'm intrigued by these differences and it makes me wonder how they ended up in their lives and in turn, i contemplate how i've ended up in my life.

also, it's october...nearing the end...and for the past few years i have these little mini life crises in october. i mean, maybe not so much crises, but i definitely do a lot of soul searching and asking, "what if?," and all that jazz. i suppose it is to be expected, come this time of year and each year it gets a little less dramatic, but it's still there...the life contemplation...the asking how i ended up living the life i'm living.

plus this new plan for school and negotiating all that entails has made me wonder if i'm ready for the next three years. i knew that grad school was on the radar, but i didn't realize it would come so soon. and not that this is soon, but here it is and i'm a little shocked by it. don't get me wrong...i'm very excited and am very much looking forward to the opportunities that will come from getting my master's, but it is the getting it part that is a bit on the scary side for me. weird, i know.

so you add all of these things together and you get my crazy train of thought for the past several days. and while there are very few things i would change about the life that i'm living, i really do play the "what if?" game more than i probably should. and the most obvious "what if?" i ask myself is, "what if i didn't live in logan...where would i live?" and almost always the answer is boston. why? probably because i've been there and i've done that. i know what to expect there but it's so much different than where i am now that it is always my go-to city. and while i would absolutely love to live there again, it clearly isn't where i'm supposed to be. i know that. but i still ask the question...and then all the follow-up questions like, "what if i would have stayed?," "what if i had never lived there?,"...oh-so-many questions...it hurts my brain.

anyway...so, today i decided to run this question by some of my co-workers and all of them answered along the same lines as i do...no, this isn't where i thought i'd be, but it's where i am. i mean, one of them answered my question by saying that she lived on a farm...enough said. i know that we all have these thoughts and feelings. i know i am not alone in this. i am glad that i thought to ask my co-workers/friends today because it definitely helped me to feel not so alone in it all.

but the best advice i got was from a dear co-worker who told me to just live the life i want...make a bucket list and start crossing things off...decide where i want to be and get there...and it's true. so, in the meantime...this is where i want to be. i want to be engaging on this adventure of school. i want to broaden my horizon. and i do want to be in logan. i love logan. and i feel like i need to love it for a few years longer. and while there are sacrifices to be made by staying here, there are adventures to be had. i need to remember that. i can make my life what i want it to be. it's my life. (yes, that is a bon jovi reference. hahaha.) and there are no guarantees. obviously.


that's all.